From the humor department,
have you heard anything by the
Capitol Steps? I heard them on
NPR when they did a half hour show.
They have a web site, capsteps.com, where you can hear their audio clips.
I was hoping to get some of the lyrics for the various parodies they do, but the last time someone looked for me, they only had the sound files.
I suppose if you had a good speech program you could feed in the audio files and get a text file of lyrics.
Yeah, right, some day soon, coming to a computer near you.
I am still reading all those jokes you sent down, and am glad I have reading glasses. The
West Virginia Residency Application is dead-on for some of the staff here.
WEST VIRGINIA STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION
Last Name: _______________
First Name: (Check appropriate box)
____ Billy-Bob
____ Billy-Joe
____ Billy-Ray
____ Billy-Sue
____ Billy-Mae
____ Billy-Jack
Age: ____
Sex:
____ M
____ F
____ N/A
Shoe Size:
____ Left
____ Right
CB Handle: _____________
Occupation:
____ Farmer
____ Mechanic
____ Hair Dresser
____ Unemployed
____ Coal Miner
Spouse's Name: ____________
Relationship with spouse:
____ Sister
____ Brother
____ Aunt
____ Uncle
____ Cousin
____ Mother
____ Father
____ Son
____ Daughter
____ Pet
Number of children living in household: ___
Number that are yours: ___
Mother's Name: _____________
Father's Name: _____________ (If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you (__) own or (___) rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)
Vehicles:
____ Total number of vehicles you own
____ Number of vehicles that still crank
____ Number of vehicles in front yard
____ Number of vehicles in back yard
____ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
____ Number of refrigerators on front porch
Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck
____ bedroom
____ bathroom
____ kitchen
____ shed
Model and year of your pickup:
_____________ 194_
Number of empty beer cans on floorboard or in bed of pickup: ____
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
____ The National Enquirer
____ The Globe
____ TV Guide
____ Soap Opera Digest
____ Gun World
____ Number of times you've seen a UFO
____ Number of times you've seen Elvis
____ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe:
____ Weekly
____ Monthly
____ Holidays
____ Not Applicable
Color of teeth:
____ Yellow
____ Brownish-Yellow
____ Brown
____ Black
____ No teeth
____ N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
____ Red-Man
How far is your home from a paved road?
____ 1 mile
____ 2 miles
____ don't know
____ can't get there from here
Reason for continued residence in West Virginia:
____ can't bear to leave brother's behind
____ daddy won't give me my pants back
____ liberal wife beating laws
Bumper Stickers:
____ Eat more Possum
____ My other car is a piece of shit too
____ Honk if you love Jesus
____ If you ain't a cowboy, you ain't shit
____ Red-man Chewing Tobacco
____ Wave if you're horny
Favorite Recreation:
____ Square Dancin'
____ Possum Huntin'
____ Skinny Dippin'
____ Craw Daddin'
____ Gospel Singin'
____ 4-Wheelin'
____ Drankin'
____ Spittin' Backy
____ Bull Chip Trowin'
____ Honky Tonkin'
____ Noodlin'
____ Other
Number of Dogs: ____
Type:
____ Blue Tick
____ Beagle
____ Black & Tan
____ Bird Dawg
Cap Emblem:
____ John Deere
____ McCulloch Chain Saws
____ Budweiser
____ Vo-Tech
____ Skoal
____ Coors
____ NAPA
____ Smile if you're Not Wearing Underwear
Memberships:
____ KKK
____ NRA
____ Moose
____ PTL Club
____ AA
____ Bass Club
____ VFW
____ Quiltin' Bee
____ American Legion
____ United Sons/Daughters of the Confederacy
____ John Birch Society
Medical Information:
Do you have at least two of the following:
____ B.O.
____ Crabs
____ Head Lice
____ Rabies
____ Trench Mouth
____ Runny Nose
____ Bad Breath
____ Chafing
