From the humor department,
have you heard anything by the Capitol Steps
? I heard them on NPR
when they did a half hour show. They have a web site, capsteps.com
, where you can hear their audio clips.
I was hoping to get some of the lyrics for the various parodies they do, but the last time someone looked for me, they only had the sound files.
I suppose if you had a good speech program you could feed in the audio files and get a text file of lyrics.
Yeah, right, some day soon, coming to a computer near you.
I am still reading all those jokes you sent down, and am glad I have reading glasses. The West Virginia Residency Application
is dead-on for some of the staff here.
WEST VIRGINIA STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION
Last Name: _______________
First Name: (Check appropriate box)
CB Handle: _____________
____ Hair Dresser
____ Coal Miner
Spouse's Name: ____________
Relationship with spouse:
Number of children living in household: ___
Number that are yours: ___
Mother's Name: _____________
Father's Name: _____________ (If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you (__) own or (___) rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)
____ Total number of vehicles you own
____ Number of vehicles that still crank
____ Number of vehicles in front yard
____ Number of vehicles in back yard
____ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
____ Number of refrigerators on front porch
Firearms you own and where you keep them:
Model and year of your pickup:
Number of empty beer cans on floorboard or in bed of pickup: ____
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
____ The National Enquirer
____ The Globe
____ TV Guide
____ Soap Opera Digest
____ Gun World
____ Number of times you've seen a UFO
____ Number of times you've seen Elvis
____ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe:
____ Not Applicable
Color of teeth:
____ No teeth
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
How far is your home from a paved road?
____ 1 mile
____ 2 miles
____ don't know
____ can't get there from here
Reason for continued residence in West Virginia:
____ can't bear to leave brother's behind
____ daddy won't give me my pants back
____ liberal wife beating laws
____ Eat more Possum
____ My other car is a piece of shit too
____ Honk if you love Jesus
____ If you ain't a cowboy, you ain't shit
____ Red-man Chewing Tobacco
____ Wave if you're horny
____ Square Dancin'
____ Possum Huntin'
____ Skinny Dippin'
____ Craw Daddin'
____ Gospel Singin'
____ Spittin' Backy
____ Bull Chip Trowin'
____ Honky Tonkin'
Number of Dogs: ____
____ Blue Tick
____ Black & Tan
____ Bird Dawg
____ John Deere
____ McCulloch Chain Saws
____ Smile if you're Not Wearing Underwear
____ PTL Club
____ Bass Club
____ Quiltin' Bee
____ American Legion
____ United Sons/Daughters of the Confederacy
____ John Birch Society
Do you have at least two of the following:
____ Head Lice
____ Trench Mouth
____ Runny Nose
____ Bad Breath