The idea that a relationship could not be working
despite my best efforts was a real eye-opener. It actually applied to the way things were going with my job here at the chapel. I felt personally responsible for any friction between me and the staff or other inmates. This is not to say that one bears no responsibility for holding a relationship (be it work, friendship, or romantic) together, but there is a line between what each person is truly responsible for. I do think that in terms of marriage the line needs to be much more flexible, especially if children are involved! But in all other relationships, including parent/child when the child is an adult, it is becoming clear to me that there are things that will not work no matter how I act!
Cosmic! Yes, one of the things I discussed with my counselor was what happens if I make changes in my life with respect to my personality and my way of dealing with people, and as a result, I find myself a happier person. That would mean I wasted the first 45 years of my life! But on second look, now I do not want to waste another minute being an unhealthy, miserable, human being.
While most people say that those who were abused become abusers, I am not looking to claim victim hood. I am willing to admit that I am never too old, too smart, or too anything-else, to learn, grow and become a better-rounded, healthier, human being.
Parenting is an impossible job with no clear-cut, black and white way to do it. I hope you have even noticed, and therefore celebrated, the different ways children react to different crises and other life events, and even more, how the interaction can be different if the parents are present. There are a couple of books of the 25-plus I am currently working though that I think you may find of interest. I got them all from Hamilton
, but I am not sure which ones I may have already mentioned, so I will send you another bibliography with the important books marked with an asterisk.