The biggest problem I have in here is that I still find the need for some instant gratification, such as an idea that I want to share with someone, and have them tell me how great I am.
I have learned to let out the ideas a little at a time, enabling me to get feedback and take other opinions in along the way.
But how do I do that with snail mail and fifteen minute, $3.00 phone calls? (And not more than one call every hour.)
And how can I learn to change my less than perfect people skills?
Damn, I just ran out of the correction ribbon, went to get a new one, and now I lost the train of thought.
I end up feeling sorry for myself and sort of shut down and retreat into a book, and drift off to a place and a life beyond the razor wire. So, all of a sudden, a few day funk turns into a couple of weeks, and I am not doing my bit to keep the communication/conversation between us flowing.
Maybe flowing is not the right word. You have more resources to generate "stuff", but on the other hand, I have such a rich garden of day to day experiences to harvest from and convert to writing for your reading pleasure.
For example, the "colorful" description of the two top "sport" events played on the TV's here: the RED neck racing and "Basically BLACK" basketball.
The only exception is when a black person shows up to play golf (Tiger Woods) or tennis (the Williams sisters). Then, all of a sudden it is like everyone is a diehard tennis or golf fan. Yes, it is great to cheer on your "ethnic pride", but the reasons are not always so altruistic.
The ogling of the females in tennis and the dream of the big bucks of golf is not my idea of a "sports fan."
A case in point in when BET broadcasts their annual Gospel show, and the scarcity of any inmates to watch except when one of the younger women are singing and happen to be wearing a thigh-high slit dress or other "eye candy" type of apparel.
Then they stare at the TV, ogle away, and as soon as the song is over, that is it.
I do not know if you have heard of a black singer named Alicia Keys. She can actually sing (I think she has one of those four to five octave range voices) and she also plays the piano.
Well, the two videos she has done were more performance type vs. the barely dressed jiggling flesh type, and the music had melody and verses. Thus, the viewing of her videos is not a stop everything and "Hey, homie, watch this joint, it is the mother-fucking bomb" type of experience.
As a matter of fact, if you do a search of her name in the NY Daily News, you would find articles which question her sexuality just because she refused to show up in her videos half-dressed and slithering up against a bunch of black thugs. Well, it turns out she caved in and showed up somewhere with her long-term boyfriend just to shut up the bullshit.
I think it is a terrible statement of the black race, which, when one of their own does not "perform" to the proper standard, they can sit in judgment of that person, yet in the case of Kobe Bryant or Michael Jackson, hell, hero worship is the only thing. Yeah, one is innocent until proven guilty, but in Kobe’s case, he has admitted to cheating on his wife, and where is the outrage in the black community at his blatantly throwing out any type of family values?
Hell, we tried to impeach Clinton for that and spent millions of taxpayer dollars checking all his possible indiscretions. Even in Clinton’s book, the buzz I caught on the news last night was all about who he did, and when, and how often.
This is certainly not quality writing at all, and is all over the place.
I have gotten used to drinking room temperature, unsweetened brewed tea. I brew two bags in a twenty ounce hot cup and then pour it into a thirty two ounce sports bottle that is filled with ice. I can feel the difference in my ability to keep to a task when I have a higher level of caffeine in me.
Could you say it is all in my head? Ha ha, but who knows. Sometimes it does not matter at all.
A.D.D. is a great excuse sometimes.