Mail Call. You mention the few letters last year. Yes, that was during the "cold spell" when I was pretty much living within myself. It is a double-edged sword. You hope for mail, yearn for a word from outside, seek outside confirmation that your life is worth something to someone, and the other side of just going rather mechanically through the day.

For example, as mail call started yesterday, I had the physical sensation of that halting breath and "tickle" feeling you get on that start of the first downhill of a rollercoaster. What would the mail hold today? Would I receive any legal news? I saw the stack of books and assumed they were for me (they were), but I cannot tell the same in terms of letters.

The CO grabs a handful at a time and simply reads one name, waits for a call to pass it, and then goes on to the next envelope. On Mondays there are usually three to four five-inch-high stacks of envelopes. By Friday, you are lucky if it is one handful. So that is what mail call is like.

Another good piece of music coming, Gustav Holtz The Planets! Cool, good music and plenty to write. God, now I only have to find a way to get my fingers to be consistent to type all this stuff.
  ¶ 11:03 PM