Handling my needs. As far as day-to-day prison life, I can say that while I do not have a diary or a photographic memory, I do have enough privacy to "handle" my needs here at Club Fed.

As I think I have told you, some highlights would be the once a week "late night" times when my current cellie goes to the TV room. This is prime time since it is quiet, no one is going to peek in the door or window, and it is two hours alone! Like yeah, I could really keep myself busy for two hours!

A quickie "release" can usually occur in the 3' x 6' semi-private shower stall. The drawback is the lack of quiet, since the doors are one-foot off the floor and one-foot from the ceiling. Luckily, they are off to the side, so you cannot look down into them from the top tier.

So while there is plenty of yelling outside the shower, once you can zone it all out, I have noted that lately, with the combination of the mind and the physical both being on the spot together, release is possible.

God, you think that life, as you know it is over. But other times, think alone in the bunk with a somewhat erotic book, and Houston, we have ignition!

So I am simply more aware of how distracting the environment can be. I do remember going over forty days without "doing" anything back in the beginning of my journey in the North Carolina county jails! I think that was the longest I have gone since first finding the pleasure of self-stimulation back in my teen years!

I do find that now I am certainly more excited by words than by pictures. So the fact is, there is NO case (for me anyhow) of getting started by physical attention; no female touch to get the engine started. I have been totally responsible for my own pleasure! I have stayed away from any "fantasy" involving the female staff members. I'm not sure exactly what the reason is, except to not engage in thought processes that will never happen. Most of my fantasies involve past events or future events, without a "known" person involved.

I am getting really bummed out just writing this, and am afraid I have not even said all that much.

Sorry, let me get this in the mail, console myself with some pepperoni and cheese wraps, and figure out what I need to buy from the store tomorrow.
  ¶ 4:58 PM