Discussing Hemorrhoids. 5:00 PM here and I returned from dinner to find a letter from you and you did not even send it. The promised five-day forwarding system works! I received your letter and last week's Wednesday and Thursday newspapers!

So I have just finished reading the letter from your "friends." That is literally what I just did; obviously I read your letter first, blog comments second, and then the letter. Oh, I checked the envelope and "ONE PHOTO ON LETTER" is marked on it. Great, there must be a limit on photos and this one in your friend's letter counts as one!

Looking at the envelope, I do see the postal bar code with my new zip, so it is actually forwarded by the U.S. Mail, not by the internal NY State prison system.

I am taking a break from my own letter to you to write a letter based purely on your letter to me. I am sort of puzzled by some of your questions on what I have received since I thought I mailed a bunch of stuff out by Friday morning and you should have gotten them by Saturday, but hopefully you got them Monday at the latest. As it is this letter will probably reach you by Monday or Tuesday. Argh!

Okay, before I get off track let me take on your letter. (My next door bunkmate is having a little tiff with another inmate and had his hot pot dumped out. I will hopefully keep mostly to cold food and bypass another "hassle point." Okay, enough preambles!)

I am glad your test with the pre-op prep from Hell gave you a clean bill of health. Congrats! The diverticulosis is now a constant problem, will get more sensitive, can go away, or what? You say you have to watch certain foods; does that mean never eat them, only in limited amounts, or it is okay to eat them sometimes and not other times?

I have had some bleeding myself of late and find it related to lack of exercise, poor diet, and stress affecting my ability to have nice, solid, regular bowel movements. I have lots of gas, thinking I have to shit but nothing comes out. I have had it two or three times in the past year, but as fast as it pops up it goes away.

Other than that, the one full blown hemorrhoid attack was back a year or so ago when I literally coughed myself into a hemorrhoid the size of my examining doctor's pinky (well that's how he described it) and after fixing the sinus congestion that was causing my cough and some Anusol, problem solved. I am not sure if the blood while trying to shit is a hemorrhoid problem, but due to it's bright red color I know it is not coming from too far up the "trail."

I did once have a case of food poisoning from eating raw clams. The only difference between your vivid description and what happened to me was the entire contents of my digestive system that did not choose to exit through my ass came up via reverse peristalsis. So you have my belated sympathy on your trials.

Yeah, I hope you did read my letter saying I figured you would not be in great shape to visit. Too bad it looks like it was a once in a lifetime chance (the visit, not the test)!  ¶ 11:36 AM