Having read a lot and listened to lots of call in shows, it does seem that your wife could certainly benefit from some psychological intervention. There might even be pills that would help. I do not really know what to say since it seems she does not want things to be any different.
As I have said in the past, Karen was subject to mood swings and conflicting sex moods, such as her love for me to scream etc., but she did not enjoy me going down on her, and she insisted of my wearing a blindfold when we showered together, yet she did go to a swing club once.
So the failure of our relationship I take a lot of responsibility for. She knew she had problems and I was too selfish and pigheaded and emotionally inadequate to properly deal with the hooks she would toss out. While I hear only your side of the relationship, I am fairly confident that you have not missed too many shots at working things out.
As far as future partners go, I would say first choice is a yet-to-marry female, maybe some career woman that has finally decided to cash out? Perhaps divorced with no children or widowed.
There is no easy way to deal with yours, mine, ours, plus the ex and his, hers, and theirs. Life is too short and gets too complicated too fast. Not to mention if your next wife was somebody else’s ex and has kids; well, the financial, scheduling, and everything else would require a fulltime assistant!
I have some serious thoughts of investing in a search for a younger non-college type of female. I can think of no better deal for you to now have a "little woman" that is actually satisfied being a housewife and mother.
I assume your wife would want to have a "low level" involvement with the kids, but you get a "vivacious, wild woman" that has the sole goal in life to make goo-goo eyes at you and all of a sudden your ex decides to try to decrease your good times.
Among all the other problems with my divorce, once Karen came into my life there was never a moment's peace with the emotional wars between the two women and the pressure put on the kids to be sure to tell all.
True, no one can tell the future; your wife might fade into the background, but you having a happier life, despite her telling you about her view of your next wife could cause some major rewiring that could add to the burdens of your new life.
I am really thinking that a simple woman could make a good partner. Not Stepford Wife
quality, but it would seem to me you can probably afford a homebody-type of partner.
You could in theory offer some late thirty-something career woman who wants to hang it all up a very comfortable, loving life and maybe even have a child too.
Help! The bullshit is flowing around me like the recent flooding rains. I really need to get the noise canceling headphones soon!
So I wish you well in your relationship with the opposite sex in the future. Personally I know there are women out there that would find you a good catch, and all I am saying is to go for the least possible connections to a previous life.
No one can predict how your wife will react to your new woman but if she has a former man, well the dynamics expand geometrically. And realize that as your kids get into the rebellious teen years, and your ex will play a role in that life, and any and all information would flow out of your place. Secrets - forget about it!
So that is why having your new woman be as unattached to the past as possible would be the best.
Well time will tell what happens, and I have said enough for now.