Prison Pete

Wednesday, August 17, 2005
  Are you sure?
Okay, so maybe sometimes it is nice to have the 'Are you sure?' option.

It is 6:00 PM and this is the first time the typewriter has been out of its box since Thursday evening. I still have to cook a rice and beans meal for three. I am still fighting the swollen sinus thing. The decongestant is working sometimes. I am also suffering from a lack of some emotional uplifting experiences.

I was reading about Stephanie Klein's blog in the NY Times Sunday Styles section. I did get a feeling of envy at her success. Upon some honest internal reflection however, I realize I have been slacking off over the last four or five weeks and really need to get back to what I was doing: typing every day and being sure to include enough prison stories to feed the voyeurs out there that love to read about my miserable life.

I had sub-consciously raised my expectations that I would be receiving some much needed emotional support from pen pals. While both Calulu and Annabel have been great and each have written multiple letters, and I do owe them both replies, I was hoping for more.

More what I am not exactly sure, (yeah a single wealthy female would have been nice) but I need to get back into the 'writer's mind set.' In the past I would simply put my thoughts on the page without expecting any specific responses. I loved getting the comments, but they were not required to get me writing.

I am in a new place, and therefore have to develop a new sense of how my environment affects me and use that information to allow me to be a functional human being.

The walking is taking a lot out of me physically, but instead of working with that aspect, I am allowing it to just give me the excuse to vegetate. True I have knocked off a bunch of books. But that has led to the drought in my writing. I allow the sense that well I do not have the six or seven hour time block I used to have so I put off the writing till the next day. This has got to stop.

I will work on setting aside smaller blocks of time with an obtainable output goal. Instead of the six or more pages, I will try for four. I have to get over the thinking that if I do not have enough time now to do it the way I want, I will wait until tomorrow. And we all know tomorrow never comes.

Just flipped over the page and realized that I never even got to the first point: Are you sure? I was figuring out what 'files' I had in memory and ended up accidentally deleting the first page of last Thursday's letter. Since I sent you my draft of that letter, I cannot even retype it. I hope you can scan it without too much work. I would rather not have that page come back in.

I am going to start cooking, and then will proof the second and third pages of the Thursday letter along with this letter.

I have managed to read a few more papers. Last Sunday's finally showed up on Friday! I have cut down the number of articles I clip. I need to go back over the ones I have clipped in the past and weed out the truly useless ones. I have not had a locker shakedown in many weeks and am going to regret it if I do not do a better job of cleaning up my humble home.

Off to cook, I shall return.

Dinner is cooked and eaten. I made the always filling rice, black beans, corn, onions, tomato sauce and jalapeƱo peppers. I have changed my cooking routine. I now wash the two hotpots before I start eating. Now all that is left is to wash my bowl. It is now 8:45 PM. I will type some more on this page and then should have enough time after count to proof the Thursday letter, and this one.

I appreciate all the movie lists you sent in. I have passed them around to a few of the more cultured inmates.

Funny, but I did not see any famous movie quotes in there that used the word "mother fucker" or "nigger." It is really getting to the point of me wanting to put a stake through the heart of some of the more vocal inmates. Not only are they loud, but they seem to think we all want to hear their grasp of the English language.
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