Too Much to Live For. Yes the internet is a great way to find partners for sexual encounters, and I am still not sure how to read when females in particular are shocked to be probed in a sexual way. I did end up meeting a few women back during my post divorce period over the chat lines that were popular in the early eighties.

I guess AIDS has really put a damper on random sex.

To be honest here, in my personal case, it is more the last nine years of abstinence that has given me the current understanding that there is no way I want to risk catching any disease of a sexual nature once I am released! I have way too much to live for to risk it on being stupid and seeking sexual pleasure without being in a solid relationship first.

Will that ever happen? Who knows? The other thing is that I also have a much clearer picture about what I want in a relationship and seeking sex from hookers as I did in past is just no longer going to be a part of my life.

Hopefully I have gotten a little better on the panic attacks of 'nobody likes me' but do have to admit that with the whole pen pal thing I have been feeling emotionally adrift. Sorry if some of that has spilled over to you. I know you are there for me.

Damn 9:24 PM. I have been at this since 8:00 and I need to take a break. Since this is not a draft I will type another page or two after the 9:45 PM count

10:00 PM. Motivation leaving fast. Lots of typos. Guess I should really type the draft first. Hope you can deal with it at this time.

Only got through first page of your letter. Will pick it up over the weekend.

Will expand more later but did want to put my two cents in for the Alto sax. They are certainly more expensive than a flute, but it is certainly easy to play. I taught myself. Will cover more when I get to that portion of your letter.

For now I am going to go hit the bed and try and disappear into a book. I have not been able to get into one lately, and find myself reading a few pages and nodding off. Now I am suffering from some mild depression, but that is not the whole story. I will figure it out soon.  ¶ 5:04 AM