Forgiveness. Just a short note to let you know I am alive and kicking (mostly myself) but that still has not resulted in me getting the work done.

I have finally cleared out all the older newspapers that were in my locker, and I am now down to fourteen, the legal limit. I will need to be sure to read at least two before mail call tomorrow as I will probably get Friday and Saturday papers then.

Now that I can see the light, I am going to work on getting down to a seven day float on the newspapers.

It is painfully apparent that I had managed to put most of my emotional self on the shelf. Between the writing to you and my penpals, the dancing around my past transgressions, and my continuing conundrum of the relationship with my parents, let us just say, Where is my favorite psychologist when I need her?

I had mentioned in a letter to Mom and Dad about getting a copy of my brother's website, and my thought that I would send a sample of my sharpened writing skills.

In his latest letter, Dad wrote, "Please don't do any corresponding to your brother or sister, either by name or anonymously. It will affect our relationships with them negatively. I am sorry this has to be mentioned but I must be forthright on this issue."

I am not really sure what that means exactly since my brother's address is now public information. But put this together with your latest remark about what about Christian forgiveness, and it makes for a real emotional mess.

Think of the issues involved. My dad was not only our Dad, a task he was certainly more absent from than present, but he was our spiritual leader also.

Yes you ask the right question: where is their forgiveness, how can they pray the Lord's Prayer, (forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us) yet apparently threaten and or hold my parents responsible for my actions as far as me maybe contacting them?

This is not at all anything you should feel guilty for bringing up and I need you to be my ears as far as what might appear on the web, but it is tough to deal in specifics as far as what I can and can not do or say to whom when neither my brother or sister have ever written to me.

My lack of adequate resources to discuss all the angles leaves me with little desire to deal with reality, and diving into a book is the option I have been using lately. I have read four novels in the last six days.

I am not going to go all the way down and hopefully I can dig myself out of the funk somewhat during this coming week.

Hope all is doing well on your end and your get to really enjoy the upcoming holidays. Maybe some of my ideas in the last letter will get you on Santa's good boy list.  ¶ 12:47 AM