Prison Pete

Friday, February 17, 2006
  I am positive that my current rosy view of life
is a combination of a few different things. One the phone call with my parents. They are ordering the books, two of which are programming. Two mailings from Bobbielou, the book from Reverend Paul. The books you sent were the start of the snowball. I am walking, eating lots of protein, and even figured out a way to get my underwear back a little whiter!

I am still waiting for a status report on my own appeal currently sitting around the U.S. Court of Appeals.

I have no doubt that keeping me on strong amounts of protein and caffeine is a contributing factor

I am not sure if it is a good idea for me to listen to Dr. Joy Brown show Monday to Friday, 10 PM to 1 AM. I have passed on some of her 'teachings' to you and it is good for me to hear problems of others, and how they might approach them.

It reaffirms my view that the human mind is a very complex 'machine' and if one goes through life with it constantly engaged in high gear as opposed to idling, all sorts of opportunities will rise up and need to be dealt with. If one stays in idle, which in my thinking includes allowing parts of one's life to stay in the same pattern (RUT), you are could be missing the best of what life has to offer.

I know more about myself now, and am painfully aware at how 'neglected' my emotional/psychological education was. I was always physically 'young' for my age, and remember my parents asking the pediatrician about the lack of any sign of puberty, during my early teen years. This conversation took place without me being in the office but I have a vague memory of the occurrence. It was always something of a joke that I would sing soprano in the school chorus.

I do not know if Bobbielou told you but she has gotten a copy of the 'Dancing Corn Dogs' book. I know I have mentioned to you that the book seems to be an instruction manual for how I work. I had asked my Dad to read it; he has a copy but as yet has not read any of it.

I would suggest you read it not so much for my benefit, but perhaps it might help with some of the school issues with your son. You had recently said he was bringing home B's instead of A's and you felt he could do better. I always heard that when I was growing up but it never involved any direct actions on the part of others to figure out what the stumbling blocks were. We do not all learn in the same way and some of us smarter types can be really stymied by the traditional educational system.

Back to Dr. Joy. It continues to amaze me how there is not always a direct match with the actual age of a person, and the emotional age. I have listened to nineteen year old women call in with kids) and a husband sounding like a thirty year old in terms of her 'understanding' of her 'problem' and 30 and 40 year olds, both men and women sounding like teenagers in terms of their expectation of what is possible in the relationship.

I know that I still have child-like reactions to some emotional situations. I have to laugh at myself at how 'happy' I was when after asking my Dad on the phone the other night if he was mad at me for something I wrote, and he said no, they were just so busy. I was happy.

And as I write this I am laughing inside at the picture of a forty-nine year old standing at the payphone and suddenly shrinking down to an eight year old. Now I know I am almost fifty, and I also know what my vulnerable areas are.

In the past at Club Fed this would be the areas I would review on a regular basis with Dr. W. I fully intend to engage in some sort of professional counselor once I am released so I have a ready resource for when I hit a bumpy spot.

It is too easy to assume that we are not able to effect a change in the way a particular person treats/reacts to us. There are certainly ways we can protect ourselves from some people. I am constantly toying with which people I can 'open' up with and who will put up with some of what to others might be silly or small problems but to me are large issues.

Dr. Joy is a firm proponent of marriage and comes down hard on both men and women that call about how they have found the most wonderful new partner and one or both of the current pairing is married. Separated is still married in her eyes. If you want to continue the relationship than you must not talk to the married person until he or she has been officially divorced for one full year.

I think the biggest gift you can give your kids is a strong sense of self, and the ability to seek answers to questions on why life seems to be throwing them curve balls that are difficult to deal with.

It is time to wrap this up and start proofing. I will continue along more road of my journey in following letters.
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