Prison Pete

Friday, February 03, 2006
  Okay, I got thumped
for my nookie points suggestions. I was writing that with the audience in mind. You. I know that the best and possibly the only way to make love to a woman is through her heart. And no you can not reach it by putting an appendage from your body (hand, penis, tongue) between her legs.

You have not mentioned any attempt on your behalf to implement my hidden note suggestion. But I have another master plan. I hope you understand by now that if you want something different to happen in any relationship, the fastest way to cause that change is to change your behavior.

I have been ending my day listening to Dr. Joy Brown. They broadcast her NYC show from 10 to 1 AM. It is amazing the number of women that call and want to change the way the sex occurs in their marriage.

True a good portion want less of it, but Dr. Brown has a way of switching the dynamics around. Her prime relationship spicer-upper is the weekly date. This is to be a time when just hubby and wife go out someplace.

The place is not a movie, and each date should be different. Depending on which partner calls and what the complaint is she will suggest various combinations of which partner plans how many dates.

I am not sure how much you "ask" your wife for sex, but I get the feeling she is certainly aware you want more. Hamilton has a barrel full of $4.95 sex helper books. I will send you a sample list. But other thing I realized and I am sure you did too, is that there always ways for new things to happen in your relationship.

Instead of thinking about how you did not get time alone to clean your office, etc., realize you got to spend time with her, made her happy, and got some sex play too. The office and basement mess will still be there.

By way of comparison, I have certainly found that when I am feeling lonely and neglected, reading a good "feeling" (okay, cheesy romance) novel to feed my emotional side does wonders to lift my spirits.

Here is the idea. For the month of February, you will be responsible for planning one date a week. It can happen at any time and will involve something different each week. They can even be different lengths.

One might be a big deal, trip to NYC to see a play. Another might be a little shorter, what about a winter walk on the beach? How far are you from SUNY Purchase? They should have a varied schedule of art events.

At least one should be an early dating date. Camp is good. Find an old fashioned soda fashion type place, NON FRANCHISE, and take her out for burger, fries and malted.

Her part of the plan is that for the entire month you will not instigate, beg, plead or otherwise intimate that you want sex from her. You will allow her to take total control of when you will have sex. You might also make a pledge that in order for her to have a better understanding of how your body works, you will not take matters into your own hands so to speak for the entire month.

I would further suggest that you tell her she will even be in control of how far any given activity will go. You could give as an example that if she were to suggest that you two share a shower, that would not mean anything more. If she wanted to go for more be, it would only happen on her say so. You would also mention that if she wanted you to do something for her, that would still be okay and would not mean that she would have to reciprocate.

Think about the dynamic. Your task for month is to plan four dates that allow the two of you to be 'alone' with each other in different ways. While I am thinking those dates might just end up being followed by sex, it is not the goal.

The goal here, as I have heard Dr. Brown suggest to woman in the past, is to really let her be in total control of sex. Your willingness to not even take care of things yourself unless she ask you to do it with her, makes the statement that you really do love her and are willing to put her needs and desires first. At least for the month anyhow.

One of the books I received is of nudes over the last 100 plus years. There are women of all sizes and ages. There are a few of older wrinkled women. The comment made by one of the artist that took the picture was how the woman posing was obviously very comfortable with her sexuality and her body. How cool is that? A lot of the photos are of photographers' friends. Not professional models.

Sex has got to be one of the most misunderstood and difficult subjects for a couple to understand. We guys can not fathom any other guy complaining about our wife asking for too much sex. This brings me to the point that it is not really about sex, it is all about the relationship.

What I am thinking is you really let your wife see how she can give you pleasure physically, and in combination with the dates and perhaps the notes I suggested, you treat the month of February as a lab experiment. You will have to trust her and she will hopefully feel safe enough that she can take things as slow as she wants.

It sounds too simple, that by not asking for sex you might get more sex, but the main purpose is to perhaps let her make some new memories, pleasurable and safe about physical intimacy.

One of the phone calls was from a wife who actually wanted more sex than she was getting and was pissed off because she caught hubby looking at porn and jerking off. That was where Dr. Brown said the wife should tell hubby stop jerking off, and I (wife) will have sex whenever you want for one month.

I have modified that and merge it with other advice to suggest this master plan to you. One reason for you to tell your wife that you will place yourself entirely in her hands (very punnny) is to allow her to possibly understand how important the physical aspect of sex is to you.

I assuming that she might see how 'longer' you last if you share sex more often? Maybe not. But I know she is not stupid, and by giving her total control I am thinking she might not only become more comfortable, but will learn a thing or two.

Be sure you make clear that as part of this plan you agree to follow her instructions. If she wants a back rub, and then goes to sleep that is okay with you. I do not want you to give her too many examples of where she will take this 'power' you are giving her. You may find that once she really does feel in control, something new may come up. What could it hurt?

Damn, it is 9:00 PM. I still have to cook diner. I will wrap things up for now, and proof and print these four pages.
You know Pete, I worried for weeks after leaving that comment and calling you a Neanderthal. I don't like name calling and I'm sorry that I called you that. It's just that men are so clueless when it comes to sex and it's such a huge part of their lives. When statements are made about football games and plying a woman with favors and gifts, it's just so annoying. Do the favor, your own laundry, because it is your responsibility, give the gift, because you like giving her things. Do you think she does these things for you because she thinks she'll get laid? No. Be a participating human being in the relationship. Don't assign roles, or tasks, or expectations. A date night? Well, it might be ok if she doesn't have to come home to the kids and a messy kitchen. A date should be like it was pre marriage and kids. The morning after should be the continuance of the night before. If it doesn't provide the desired outcome the first time, don't be a baby about it. Give her some time. She's had a life time with you in the real way, give her a little time to know the fantasy of you. The possibility of you.
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